Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
what day is it and did you see me today?
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
