Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
