Why does Corona taste like a burp?
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
i believe in u and ur pee
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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