my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
