Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
