Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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