She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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