Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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