I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
