We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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