Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
