the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
