Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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