Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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