I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
