Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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