I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
