Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize