It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
