Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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