I seem to have left my pride at pride
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
