Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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