Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
