he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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