I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
