apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
