I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
