Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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