Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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