oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
