Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
