Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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