maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
