I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
