I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Randomize