...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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