She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
