dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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