saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Randomize
