Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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