I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
