if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
