someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize