I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
its liver damage thursday
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
