You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
