I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize