I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
