Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Randomize
