Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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