There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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