i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
