I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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