you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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