i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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