You're so nebulous sometimes
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
