I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
