just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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