i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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