i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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