o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
