He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
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