i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Randomize
