Please, let me fuck your mom
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
