You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
